It is personal.
It belongs to you.
You may take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your feelings; that others have felt like you, but not everybody feels or deals with grief in the same way.
It can be sudden and all consuming, or it can be gradual, creeping up on you and catching you when you least expect it.
It can come in peaks and troughs and you can feel like you are taking one step forward then two steps back. It can feel as if life will never be the same again, and in many ways, it won’t.
It can feel like you will never be able to laugh or smile anymore – you will, but your laughter may always feel a little sad.
It can take your breath away.
It can be frightening and it can make your outlook on life change. You feel you should make the most of every second, but then you wonder what is the point? You lose the carefree way of living that you may have been used to.
It sits on your shoulder, always there – even in the good times, just waiting to bring you back down.
It’s in the words of a song, a view, a tv programme, a street, a smell, a time of day, a time of year, a sunny day, a snowy day, a birthday, a person you see on the street.
The ringing of a phone.
You want to tell everyone. You want to tell them that you’re hurting and you can’t make it stop – but everyone has moved on, so you keep it to yourself.
You stand still while the world keeps turning.
You are lost.
You feel exhausted, confused, and angry.
Sometimes you feel happy, and then you feel guilty.
You don’t want to forget, but sometimes you’d give anything not to remember, just for a good night’s sleep.
You feel jealous that others have what you have lost, but then you wouldn’t wish your pain on them.
You feel desperate to blame someone or something but you know there is no blame, so sometimes you just blame yourself.
You want to scream. Sometimes you do. But you do it into a pillow so that no one can hear – it would only make them feel uncomfortable.
You make hasty decisions, then you regret them when it’s too late.
Everything’s too late.
That’s how grief feels.
Jen Brierley is an aspiring freelance writer from Wales where she lives with her husband and two children. She is an English Literature undergraduate who loves to read anything and everything. Jen runs a copywriting business, writing copy for small businesses, but also loves to write about her own experiences.Follow Jen on social media: